Using “I” Statements

I statements are an effective way to communicate needs in an unemotional & non-adversarial.

Statements are specific and focused.

Statements tend to reduce defensiveness and animosity.

Using effectively takes practice…it’s not as easy as it seems.

Simply putting an “I” in front of your statements is not enough.

Avoid using the other parent’s name.

Avoid saying, “I think he/she thinks…intends…should…needs to…or, is…”Follow these tips for making strong “I” Statements:

Statement Type Example
Want or Need I need consistency.
I want respectful communication.
Don’t state what the other person should or shouldn’t do.
Feeling I feel angry and taken advantage of when things change at the last minute.
I feel attacked and angry when I am criticized.
Don’t comment on the other parent’s intentions.
Belief or Value I value flexibility.
I believe honoring the terms of the J&D is very important.
Don’t state an opinion as fact.
Impact of behavior Not receiving information from the school makes it difficult for me to be involved with the children’s education.
Not being able to reach the children by phone causes me concern.
Don’t make judgments about the other parent’s behavior.
Request I would like to change weekends, because…
I need help with the children after school next Wednesday because…
Don’t make a demand or assumption.
Apology I’m sorry I was late picking up the children, I didn’t mean to inconvenience you. I would appreciate your understanding.
Don’t deny that you blew it or pretend it didn’t happen.

A MESSAGE FROM AMS LLC RE: COVID-19

The safety of clients, ourselves, and colleagues is our top priority while we remain available to assist you as you navigate the new and uncharted territory caused by the coronavirus pandemic.

STILL WORKING

While providing virtual ADR services was not part of our plan, we have made the necessary accommodations to ensure we can continue to serve our clients during these unsettling times. We are now working remotely and ensure the ongoing availability of mediation, PC, PTE and other ADR services.

Our office hours remain the same and we remain available by phone and email. The main office number is 952.252.1492.

We are using Zoom for videoconferencing. We suggest that you download this app to your phone or the program to your computer at zoom.us/download.

NEW CLIENTS WELCOME

We continue to offer free 1-hour divorce consultations via Zoom. Potential PC and PTE clients are invited to schedule a free 15-minute phone call. Please call 952.252.1492 to set up an appointment. We are here to help!

Thank you for your patience and understanding as we all adapt to these rapidly changing and chaotic times. Stay strong, remain resilient and stay healthy!

Amber Serwat and Gayle Ladwig
ADR Professional and ADR Assistant

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