Silver Linings…Finding Peace after Divorce

The silver lining is often hard to find, especially if you didn’t initiate your divorce. Whether you initiated your divorce or not, you may struggle with feelings of guilt and finding new happiness after divorce.

Generally speaking, people get divorced to create a better future. The following are lessons I learned on my journey and in the years after my divorce…

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Reaching Settlement in Divorce Mediation

A good divorce settlement offers resolution and is an arrangement you can live with into the future. I encourage my clients to focus on solutions and evaluate whether or not a proposed solution is workable and “livable”. If the answer is, “Yes, but it doesn’t feel fair and I don’t like it,” it’s probably a keeper.

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Truths about Divorce and Steps for Success

Key Truths about Divorce:

  1. Regardless of process, most divorce cases settle before going to trial; a significant number never see the inside of a courtroom.
  2. You are the expert in your life.
  3. You are capable of making fair and reasonable decisions about your future.
  4. You have choices when deciding how to proceed with you divorce.
  5. Self-determined agreements yield better results than imposed outcomes.

Steps for Success during Divorce

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I Wish I Had Used Mediation

Long before I was a family mediator a friend went through a divorce that would have been made so much easier by mediation.  This is the story of one couple who could have saved time, money and relationships by choosing mediation.

Way back in the eighties I married a man I knew for only six weeks before becoming engaged.  We had it all – bridesmaids, flowers, big music, lots of people – a dream wedding.  After the honeymoon was over, the gifts were opened and the dress sealed in a special box, reality set in.  I didn’t know this guy.  And, what I did know, I didn’t really like.  No detail is necessary other than to say that we were young and mistook lust for true love.  Not an original story at all.

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Mediation for Peaceful Co-Parenting

Trying to work on an agreement on your own is difficult and it can become messy.  Letting the courts do it for you is expensive and it won’t always turn out well for either party.  If your goals are getting the most out of the process and coming to a fair and peaceable resolution, the family and divorce mediation process makes the most sense.  Mediators are good at creating an atmosphere where both parties feel comfortable.  They will work with you to highlight a way that both parties can be satisfied with the outcome.

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